9w0d

**Highly Sensitive**

Lurking a little while ago on a July EDD group on one of my message boards (I love to read the birth stories - I do the same thing on the waiting to test group, I love seeing the girls so happy when they find out they are pregnant!) and read devastating news. One of the mommies ended up being induced on Wednesday night and it all ended badly. She had to have an emergency c-section this afternoon (her son was born and they have him in the NICU as a precaution) but there were complications and she died this evening. I just don't know what to do with this. She has a daughter who isn't even two years old yet. Her poor husband, those poor children. I can't stop crying. How the fuck does something like this happen in 2007?? I've dealt with a lot of my own mortality issues in the last year (I suppose it's normal enough when you bury a child) but it still never really occurred to me that my husband could take my child home and have to bury me. How on earth does this still happen? It's not fair. It's just not fair. I know all too well that excitement of expecting a normal, happy childbirth and having it go all wrong, but this is different.

I can not imagine losing Marc, I can not imagine the grief. Right after Gregory died, I had a very serious, intense fear of losing Marc as well. He would leave the hospital to go find food, or to pick up family to bring them to visit, or to run home and feed the cats, and I was petrified the entire time he was gone that he wouldn't be safe. I would have to sit on the phone with my mother or a friend to just distract me for the hour he was gone. Maybe it's because I've had a child die, because I know the pain and recovery that follows that tragedy, that I'm not as afraid of it anymore. I'm definitely more afraid of Marc dying. Two years ago, I think I would have said it would be easier to grieve my husband than my child. I realize how much I've leaned on him in my grief over Gregory, and I have grown to love Marc in ways I didn't know my heart was capable of. I dread the day we ever part.

Please keep this family in your prayers; the husband who tries to find joy in the birth of his son while dealing with the grief for his wife, the daughter who won't understand why mommy isn't coming home and probably won't remember her well as she grows older, and the newborn son who will never know his mommy.