Nothing much new to report here. Working during the day, passing out at night. We went shopping this weekend, and I got some cute new maternity shirts and a bunch of long sleeved onesies. Gregory was due in July, this baby is February, so we are going to need warmer clothes. Marc had a lot of fun shopping. He told me that he thinks little girl clothes are more fun that little boy clothes. Then we went into another store with baby polos and button down shirts for boys! We were swimming in cute! I'm so happy that Marc is so hopeful and excited, I was worried that losing Gregory ruined that part of us.
Went to a barbecue on Sunday with my in-laws. Marc's first cousin was there with his fiance and her two kids. They are expecting a baby later this year. I was a little jealous. We did everything 'the right way': got married, have well paying jobs, got an apartment in a great neighborhood while we save up for a house. We started trying for a baby in May 2005. The earliest we will bring home a baby is February 2008. It's a bit tough to see other people attain your dream without even trying. It sound so judgemental, and I hate that it does. Life just isn't always fair. I hate that too. I think it would have been much harder to be around them if we weren't expecting Beulah.
I am so surprised that I'm already this far along without a moment of spotting. It still feels way too good to be true. I'm afraid to tell anyone, even now that we've seen a heartbeat. We've talked about not telling anyone for a long time. With me working from home, it will be rather easy. My sisters' (twins) have a birthday at the end of August. One sister knows, the other is suspicious, but I've managed to put her off. We are thinking of telling her on her birthday. She is going to be so excited! I do not want to tell my grandmother or Marc's until we can't hide it anymore. I want to spare everyone the fear of losing another baby for as long as I can. Marc is talking about staying out of sight from the grandmas and extended family until Thanksgiving or Christmas, and inviting everyone over and letting them see for themselves. It will take patience, but I'm onboard. I do think we should tell Marc's parents (and tell them to keep quiet) because my mother knows and I don't want them to be hurt. If we held out to Thanksgiving, our family would only be worried for 2.5 months. Christmas will be too difficult, because I will see them at Thanksgiving either way.
Of course, the above scenario might be a pipe dream. I might be able to avoid my family, even though we live in the same neighborhood as a lot of them, but other people I run into could congratulate them on the impending birth, and then our secret is blown. I went to buy orange juice yesterday, and I was putting it on the counter, the guy says "Oh, orange juice is good for the baby" and pointed to my stomach. Holy crap, dude, I'm not even 9 weeks! And the thing is, I'm tall and very thin. I'm a bag of bones for the most part. My stomach is loose from the last pregnancy and I am pretty bloated, but I didn't think I looked pregnant! With Gregory, no one mentioned it until much further along. I was 22 weeks or so, in the market below my office grabbing lunch with a friend on a Saturday morning, and the lady asked when the baby was due. I looked at her like she had 3 heads and said "what baby?" before I realized she meant the one I was pregnant with! This is way too early for random strangers to be pointing it out.
1 comment:
I understand completely about the jealousy. I felt the same way. I did everything right, had everything prepared, read tons of books, took tons of classe and then some women who don't even try get exactly what they want. Alas, life isn't fair. Glad to know everything is still going great. I waited until the 12 week ultrasound with this baby to tell family. See if you can hold out that long. If not, just do what feels right. I'll be thinking about you.
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