Tuesday, June 17, 2008


I should be cleaning up the mess from a birthday party.
I should be thinking about potty training.
I should be talking about pre-school.
I should be chasing after a toddler.

Instead I'm sitting here crying, unable to breathe. I miss you so much my whole body aches. I can't stop thinking about the last time I held you, the last time I saw you, the last time I laid in bed and rubbed my belly while I sang to you. This isn't fair. Two years later and I'm still not able to fully accept that I won't ever get the chance to watch you grow up. I wonder what I could have done differently that would make it all right. I wish I could have woken you up this morning with kisses and birthday presents. I wish I could show you just how loved you really are.

Happy second birthday my sweet Gregory.


Monday, June 16, 2008

Everything smells like death

Two whole years since I felt you move for the last time.

I miss you so fucking much. I feel so sick I can barely breathe.