23w1d

All is well here on the froggy front. I went out on Thursday night with folks from my old job. I had a lot of fun, but eating dinner with friends can take a lot out of you when you haven't done anything more than vegitate on your couch for the last 6 months. This little boy has turned me into a little old lady - I choose sleep over almost anything else.

He's been moving a lot which is so reassuring. I can only feel him on my left side though! I have had numbness on the right half of my belly since my c-section with Gregory. It's so odd. I can see Bubba shift and kick on my right side, but can't feel it. I could probably stab myself with a fork and have no clue.

My sisters are coming over today to swoon over baby clothes and keep me company, since Marc has some big game tournament planned with friends. My sisters are huge hockey fans and bought Gregory his very own hockey jersey, with our last name and 06 on the back. Unfortunately, it has a bad habit of yellowing, so I need to get it framed fast, seeing as how its been more than a year. I am considering hanging it in Bubba's room, with Gregory's crucifix (it's a children's cross that rested on his coffin during his funeral). Decorating his room is harder than I thought it would be. I figured that since we moved here after Gregory died (ok, in part because Gregory died) it would be like starting fresh, but it's not. There's a bit of Gregory in everything. All of the furniture, some of the clothes, but really just the deja vu of preparing for another baby. It makes me feel like I've abandoned Gregory on some level, which I know is not true at all. I feel like I need to acknowledge him as we prepare for Bubba's arrival as we would if he hadn't died. All of this preparation has also brought to the front of my mind everything I'm missing out on. Halloween was two years since I found I was pregnant with Gregory. I remember hiding the test under a piece of paper and not looking at it, so afraid it would be negative. I remember giving out candy, feeling on top of the world, giddy about my secret. I remember Marc being so happy. And I'm just not at the point where I can think about all the happiness without thinking about all the sadness that followed. I have started talking to Bubba about Gregory a lot. I figure if I tell him often enough, then one day I might be able to do it without bawling.

Yeah, right.