Saturday, November 24, 2007

26w1d

I am a hateful person. People just don't get it, and I'm sick of being polite. If you do not have a dead baby, you are not qualified to tell me how to raise any living ones I might get the opportunity to bring home. Doing so may result in violence and bodily harm.

1. I will not be getting rid of my six kitties just because I'm bringing a baby home. I had no intention of getting rid of them when we were expecting Gregory, and I have no intention of getting rid of them now that we're expecting his brother. They are my family! They are the only ones who let me grieve on my own terms when G died. They are the protectors of my belly while I sleep. Do I have concerns? Sure! I am concerned that in an attempt to protect/warm/love Bubba, a kitty could inadvertantly smother him. There are ways to avoid this. I am concerned since Marc and I are both allergic to cats (and M is asthmatic) that there are potential issues, but everything I've read says exposure to cats in infancy and early childhood will help to prevent the allergy. I do not have to ban my cats from the bedrooms, give them to other people, or make them outdoor cats. I'm sorry you felt it was necessary to get rid of your cats/dogs/turtles/hamsters when you brought your child home, but my husband and I made a commitment to our animals that we intend to keep. We love them, and that doesn't just get tossed out the window because we bring a new toy home.

2. Raising my arms above my head will not kill my child. I get that your elderly mother is from a small isolated village in the old country and that old wives' tales are common, but you are an educated young woman who was born and raised in America. Do you really think that doing that is going to cause the umbilical cord to wrap around Bubba's neck and strangle him? That must mean I did something similar to kill Gregory.

3. I am not excited to be a mother. I will not labor for 2 days because that's what you did with your first child. I am not depriving myself of giving birth by opting for a repeat section. I have children. Sadly, they are dead. This is not my first pregnancy or my first childbirth. The child I did give birth to was dead. The only thing I'm depriving myself of by opting for surgery is some uncertainty during this scary time.

4. I will not change my tune or feel differently once I have children. Just because you did something one way does not mean it will work that way for my family. I am not 'paranoid' about SIDS or 'overreacting' about RSV. There is medical evidence that may indicate my child is at higher risk for SIDS. You live in a warm climate with your healthy child who was the result of a surprise conception and textbook pregnancy. I doubt you'd like it very much if I ended every conversation with "well, you'll see it differently when you hold your lifeless child in your arms".

5. No, I will not feel guilty if I enjoy this child. Why would you say that to me? I love Gregory so much my heart feels like it will burst. I love his brother just as much. I do not feel I am betraying one son to love the other. Would you say that to a mother of a living child? No. So don't say it to me.

6. Shut up. I am sick of listening to you complain about how horrible your children are. The reason your child is up at 3am is because you let him get away with it night after night. Maybe your life would be a little bit easier if you (for once) opted for the slightly more difficult road of being a parent to your children instead of letting them get away with murder. Your child is not going through a phase. Phases do not last 3 years. Maybe if you taught your child the meaning of the word 'no', they'd understand it. Once you get all that under control, then maybe I'll consider listening to your advice on child rearing.

7. I'm so glad that in your family/culture/cult, it's common to breastfeed/bottlefeed/cosleep. I enjoy hearing about what led you to make the decisions you did as a parent. However, I do not think something is wrong with me because I choose to send my child to daycare. There is not something lacking in my parenting skills because I choose to breastfeed until 3 months or 3 years. My boobs, my baby, my choice. I do not have to defend my choices as a parent to you.

7a. Furthermore, do not cop a dismissive tone with me when you realize I made/will make a different choice than you. Just because I choose to walk down a different path than you does not mean I am saying your decisions were questionable. When you get defensive and snippy, it only tells me that you are insecure about your own choices. When you become passive-aggressive or pitch a fit because my views differ from yours, it makes me want to spend less time in your company.

5 comments:

Monica H said...

Well said. Now only if they could read all this and comprehend it all.

Megan said...

Delurking to say amen, sister.

Mrs. Collins said...

Double AMEN and can I get witness!!! My favorite is # 7. My pet peeve was this annoying granola cruncher who insisted I didn't need all, "that monitoring stuff". THis is after her three low-risk textbook pregnancies and deliveries. I wanted to slap her.

Coggy said...

I'm delurking also to say you are not a hateful person you are spot on!

niobe said...

People really are amazingly stupid, aren't they?