There is something seriously wrong with me. The beginning of this week was the point in my first pregnancy when I started to spot and miscarried. Wednesday was the point in my second pregnancy where I started to spot and was convinced I was going to miscarry, but then just kept spotting for four weeks and then it went away.
There is a sick, twisted part of me that just wants to see spotting. I want to see it so that I can rejoice in my body's continuing ability to disappoint me and betray me. I think it has to be some new defense mechanism - if something is going wrong, then I can't get my hopes up, and then they can't be dashed and crushed and trampled.
I don't really want to see spotting. I want to keep Beulah Froggy safe forever.
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