4w3d

I have a bad cold. The awful dry cough started yesterday, and then the sneezing started this morning. I spent 24 hours straight in bed. Morning sickness started a little bit yesterday morning, but thankfully has calmed down a bit.

Saw the doctor a few days ago. I told him I wanted to take a more laid back approach at this point, that I didn't want to worry about betas or progesterone levels. At this point, I can't do anything, so I'm not going to stress myself out about it. I'll see him again around 8 weeks. As it stands, I am not yet spotting, so I'm going to just hang on to the faith I have that I won't start. I'll have an ultrasound around July 18. I just have to hang tight until then.

Went to the cemetery today (one year since G's funeral). It helps to water the flowers or just drop by - allows me to feel like I can take care of him in some small way. He's buried in my grandparents' plot. Pop-pop and Uncle M (my mother's brother who passed away in March) are buried there with him.

I've started to talk to this baby a bit, and have twice called him or her by G's name. I know that it is normal, but it made me feel so guilty, so now I'm calling this baby Beulah, mostly because M laughed his ass off when I suggested the name.