8 days old (or what should have been 35w1d)

Connor Michael (formerly Bubba) was born on Friday, 1/18/2008 at 5:35 pm EST weighing in at a whopping 5 lbs, 6 oz. and measuring a lengthy 19 inches. He spent his hospital time in the NICU since he was only 34 weeks gestation. When I went to the docs, they found my fluid had dropped from a 10.5 to a 6 and my placenta was looking a little mature and they felt he was safer out than in. Despite the steroids, he did have RDS (Respiratory Distress Syndrome for those non-nerds out there) and needed surfactant to help him breathe without grunting. He was off the CPAP in less than 24 hours and is home with us for 2 nights now.

I am totally and completely in love. It was really tough to see him hooked up to all the wires and I had a small emotional meltdown on Saturday morning when I saw him. Poor Marc - he is such a good husband. By Saturday afternoon my hormones and my emotions were so crazy that I had a complete breakdown over a plate of fried chicken. I really feel like my body totally betrayed me again. In recovery they said that my placenta was really mature and that I had small amounts of keytones and protein in my urine. I'm hoping to find out more when I see the doctor on Tuesday for an incision inspection. I do realize that had I not had the monitoring I did when I did, this probably would have turned out really badly. My recovery is going well, it's amazing what having a living child to take care of will do for your overall health. I was up and moving less than 24 hours after surgery, pumping and running around and getting out of the bed on my own. With Gregory I needed help moving around for more than a week after surgery.

And speaking of my Gregory, oh how my heart breaks. God, this is bittersweet. Every time I pick Connor up, cuddle him, kiss him, love him, I'm reminded of how I got so fucking jipped. It's been worse since last night. My original OB's office didn't send my records to the new OB's office in time for my surgery and then there was some confusion, so they sent them straight to my house. I got an envelope from them last night and I opened it up. All of Gregory's monthly ultrasound reports and my bloodwork from his pregnancy...and HIS FUCKING AUTOPSY report. Because every mom wants to know how much her dead son's brain weighed. I got as far as "intrauterine fetal demise" and "the fetus weighed 2030 grams" before I screamed for Marc who promptly took it away from me. My wonderful friend Stephanie, who at one point was studying for a career in mortuary science, said she'd read the report so I wouldn't have to. The only thing I want to know is his blood type. It's something he would have gotten only from me or only from Marc. Connor is O+ like me, so I'm curious if Gregory would be like me as well or A+ like his dad. I miss him so much, but I do realize I wouldn't appreciate the newest blessing in my life quite like I do had I not been blessed with Gregory.

And back to that newest blessing - he's home for two nights now and is the sweetest thing. He is nursing like a champ and sleeps well all day. It's of course a different story at night! The cats got a real up close look at him yesterday. Two of them liked the way he smelled so much that they decided to taste him. They are confused as to why they are locked out of our bedroom, but we don't want any cuddling accidents when we have to step out of the room. And I am a terrible mommy as far as pictures go. My camera is still packed away in one of the many boxes that are waiting to be unpacked, and I've luckily been able to borrow my sisters' camera. They are so nice for lending it to us! I don't have anything updated because I don't have the software on my computer to upload it, so you'll have to settle for the ones from the day after he was born.